So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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