Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
