he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
