This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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