plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just shotgunned beers for America
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
