Can Purell be used as lube?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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