When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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