You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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