please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
