It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
