Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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