my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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