is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
