Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
