we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
