READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
