what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
