census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
