I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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