in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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