I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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