After last night, I could never be a politician.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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