I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
