i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
