I cannot find my penis.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
