If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
