so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
