Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
