Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
