i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
