Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
