Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
