your thong is hanging out like whoa
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
