I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
