I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
