I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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