He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
