I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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