OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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