I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
