I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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