He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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