elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
