Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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