New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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