the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
