did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
