Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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