So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
