I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love accidental penises.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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