oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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