Who wears a wallet chain?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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