I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
